Holy Guacamole!

It has been quite awhile, my friends. 

As I finish up last minute assignments and procrastinate important events, my obese cat Fergs is relaxing across my lap, forcing me to sprawl my elbows in awkward positions to prevent stirring him up, and so I can type this message to you. Just a quick update on it all, Theatre is still going great! That show BCPE was such a success. We have since moved on to another, At the Bottom of Lake Missoula (that we performed at competition at Samford [side note,where I lost my favorite water bottle sos] and we won first place!), and now Wizard of Oz rehearsals are beginning. This cozy afternoon I spent at rehearsal, then finishing up my duties as a student. My car is currently out of commision from a wreckless (get it?) driver rolling into my very cheap, also easily trash-able, 2001 P.O.S. car. With the milage being the whopping 120,xxx that it is, there is no way that USAA will give me money to fix it. Fingers crossed, people come to their senses and stop withholding their driveable and much nicer car(s). My person, Jonathan, (not my brother or neighbor) is very great. We've been dating about 2 1/2 ish months now, and quite exciting every day. I went to a YoungLife camp last weekend, SharpTop Cove, and I am missing YL club tonight because of the lack of transportation. I have Mardi Gras this weekend, crazy to think that two years ago I couldn't stand Mary or Britt and now they're such a big part of my life.
We put Molly down last July, two days after I got this car. Now I'm letting it die prematurely just like I did with her. I'm not fighting anymore. Just giving in. It's what I'm used to anyway.
Sorry that took such a shady turn oh dang wow okay anyway.
May we meet again in better times
Alex ((:

Quick Update

Tonight is a cool night of firsts, (for the sake of sanity I will be changing names)
I went to my first Best Christmas Pageant Ever rehearsal of the season, my third first time, and Amanda is deaf and I need to sign to her. I love her being there, but I feel like shit that she is always picked out and always center of attention for not speaking like everyone else. everyone else is an ass, I don't know why she would want to. But anyway, Joseph and Lana are really really fun to sit next to, I love absolutely everyone in the Theatre department, I just wish that I was half as talented as some of these people's big toe. I read along at the script read through, and impossibly fell into deeper love with theatre. Bless.
It was spirit night at Big Rosie's, so naturally, I didn't want to go, but my friends Jess and Kim accompanied me there. Andy met up there after like two hours, but everyone's phones were dead so it isn't like we were upset he was late, we didn't even get to tell him a time. I had more fun that I thought I would have.
I will stop procrastinating homework and do that, as well as I will try to start posting on here like a weekly thing or something. I started a sister blog. It is all my photography. Enjoy.
May we meet again in healthier times
Alex

Happy Mothers Day I guess.

"I don't wanna be here anymore."

A growing cliche, these six word stories...
These six words took the place of millions, as my best (grown-he's 19) friend sobs on the other end of the phone...what do you say in those situations? What do you do? Do you call someone? Do you tell them it will be okay? no one can honestly promise anything to anyone, ever...Even I would not be as negligent as to promise that everything will be okay...I respond as carefully as I can...

"Whenever I feel like this...I think to myself..What would my mom do if I did do something to myself..."

That is what made it worse. He ended up hanging up because he couldn't stop shaking.

Neither could I.

Why, feels...why...

it's 230 AM and I just finished watching 3 movies on my favorite pirated movie site (every below average teenaged girl has one of those--right?) and I'm supposed to "get up early" tomorrow [according to my mother] but at the current feelings, i dont feel like i will ever really get up again...who knows
but what i do know
is that i just found my avorite movie (who tf has one of those) i know, i know
oh calm down, breath itll be okay omg fine i will tell you gosh stop getting all crazy
the name is "Ask Me Anything" produced in 2014. 1 hour and 38 minutes of my tears and laughter. I love and cannot express how much just god..feels man
i thought at a few parts they would be the worst....and it just kept going...yupp so now, at this point, i've cried for the past two hours at this relateable story line that i fall no where close to
what am i doing with my life
who knows

Whew

A lot of crazy stuff has happened lately! Military ball was this past month, that was tons of fun. I was just recently a tech for the Hobbit, these are the days I'll remember when I'm all old and senile. (I think). The mac has been moved into a different room, sorry I haven't posted that much. (With all my 0 followers) but I am trying to be more active.
Things with get better, I hope.
May we meet again in happier times

Sweet birthdays

I totally just had a disney birthday party. The most drama there was the gay guy pinching my butt so I think it was a major success (: Ansley took tons of photos! I attached a few of my favorites, and I just want everyone to know that even though I'm extremely lame, this party was two thumbs up. Woo hoo is finally over 😅👌♏

K so I'm a loser :3

My first photo edit of Neville (that sucks but ignore that mhkay)

Snickers and I at dad's house when I went there last

I made the photo of Neville (my cat) on the moon, and the other is like my all time favorite photo okay :)

!! WARNING: Rant !!

So, basically. 

I haven't talked to my dad in a matter of weeks [coming up on months]. I see the pain. I know how it hurts. It hurts me. I feel it. Every time I try to address problems to MYSELF, I become overwhelmed and go sleep, eat, Netflix, or all of the above. 

I appreciate how he tries, but really? After only 2 unanswered (Because Mastering Chemistry [online chem homework] was due in an hour and I still had 87 questions to answer that I hadn't learned wtf they meant yet. So. Sorry?) attempts at contacting me, he then goes on to ask my grandmother to give me a ride. And ask, "Why are you ignoring your dad?" I told her the truth, I was just really busy and just forgot about it. I had homework that needed to be done right then, and so I did it. That was my priority. My apologies. She understood, bought me food, and drove me to my moms. Some sort of lapse in understanding (or something) made my father go raise all sorts of hell with, "why are you making her ignore me?!" Blah blah blah, shit similar to that, and he irrationalizes everything. Every. Thing. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I try to avoid drama if at all possible at school, I'm never caught up in drama, it doesn't come find me, nothing of the sort. But he does. 

My mom thinks I'm lying to her. It's partially true. I guess I'm not technically lying when I say that, I mean yes, I am avoiding confrontation, and yes I do have other reasons. but they've been reasons for years. Why would they be coming up now? 

I received a text today from my aunt (my dads sister [whom of which lives 8 hours away]) asking me why I'm ignoring him.

I would've called him by now if this wasn't such a big deal.

This is really stupid.

Ehh whatever. Football game tonight against our rivals. 

Cannot handle the hype.

May we meet again in happier times.

Ugh

If I felt Like this all the time I would surely kill myself.

I love my dad, and I love making him happy. He has his strengths, and like the rest of us, his weaknesses. One of which being he is horrible at communicating, and listening. He is really bad at staying calm and dealing with his disappointments.

When I tell my dad an issue that I have, and I tell him a possible answer, he always disregards what I say to got he hard way with everything. Which is obviously harder on him.

It hurts when he does that, and by the time he's doing it he's too frustrated to listen.

I feel so small and unimportant at his house that I just leave. I just go to my home. My mom's house.

I can see that also hurts him and idk what to do with that either.

I'm just so ready to either do more drugs or just stop seeing my dad. And I know for a fact the latter is not going to happen.

High School

I honestly think high school is that little spacer that consumes time just to. It's almost like a place saver. I feel like high school is that thing that takes up our time just to attack us at our teenage years to make us acceptable to release into society. Obviously fresh out of middle school many (if not all) students are completely irresponsible and useless. You can't just let them roam free. High school realizes you have most of the basics and doesn't think you're ready (or prepared?) for college and is just there to allow you to grow and mature and accumulate or attach some sort of responsibility onto your body before you go skip off with a boy named "Snake." I'm not really all that sure why exactly you can't just leave when you've gone beyond your maturity. I mean--yeah, yeah ok yes high school teaches you a whole heck of a lot and it is REALLY important and gives you that time to think about what you want to do for a living so you don't just jump right into the water head first; but at the same time public schools.
I've been in a public school my entire life. I've seen all the wrong things to do and all the rash decisions, I've seen all of the debt and stupid mistakes. I have seen much more of my share of irrelevant over-paid teachers that will punish no one, treat students like children, as well as sit and do nothing as a fight ensues in front of their classroom. And same goes for those sparse overly under-paid teachers whom of which go above and beyond on their assignments, students, and over all work. I've seen lives be ruined and education swirl down into the toilet due to technology, rash and inappropriate decisions, lack of control, even "downtown" altering a schedule or a rule for one person. The past two years with laptops has definitely been a learning process for everybody, students and teachers, alike. More of an excuse for the lazier students. I tend to use the "you give 'em an inch and they'll walk all over you" metaphor here. Because it literally describes this perfectly. I can't express how defeating and infuriating it is to be in a situation where you're almost a month into school and you've had your laptop since orientation, but your entire school of 2,000 can't charge or log in to their computers because IT (one person) is out. I feel the 'chain of command' so to speak is completely out of wack. All of the teachers and staff lose their heads when the internet goes out (which is quite often btw) and students are without access to assignments, textbooks, and worksheets. I'm not one to stand idly by while something this irritating is going on. Even more frustrating that I can do absolute 0 about it. It's been hard for me, my family, and my friends. It's flourished my cousin's student career by providing technology, but ruined his brothers. It's hard to pick a side. But when textbooks worked fine since the 15th century, I really don't understand why they are changing such a tremendous tradition. I don't understand and that's my problem. I need to, that's how I work. That is how I stay sane. This school is doing nothing for my nerves. I hope others have had much less agitating run-ins with technology in school.
As for me, I will continue to use my personal laptop as my personal laptop, and use my school laptop as a coaster.
May we meet again in happier times.

Howdy

Hey there! So I made this blog today. I've never had one of these so I guess this is off to a "good" start. I really doubt anyone here will really read any of these-- or find me for that matter. So I guess that makes me feel better in posting what I plan to for complete strangers. Yay.

Well I guess we haven't been properly introduced, my name is Alexis. My parents are divorced, my mom has a boyfriend, a 19 pound feline named Ferguson, and an erotic cat named Neville, two dogs, and soon one hedgehog (fingers crossed). My dad is a work in progress-- trying to do everything right so hard that he does everything wrong. So his girlfriend has two cats that bite my toes and an obnoxious watch dog named bear that likes to growl at me. I am going to be a sophomore in high school this year, and I'm not excited. I know every high schooler says that but I really mean it. High school is just a colossal bully waiting until you've bent to tie your shoe for it to kick you in the ass hard enough for you to fall onto something liquid and sticky and messy and gross. Asshole.

I have a tumblr, snapchat, ig, facebook, and twitter. All my usernames for those are the same. I have an iPhone 4 and it's pretty shitty so I tend to just not touch it some days. I love to play guitar and go kayaking with my mom. 

I love dream catchers and I hate moving. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is going to be ruined with this new movie coming out. I have short hair. My room is always messy at my dads but spotless at my moms. I fell in love with a fool in California last year. One wall in my room at my dads house in painted in hand prints and autographs from friends. I have one pair of converse and toms that I rotate wearing when I'm not bare foot. I love driving. I love leaving places. I hate obnoxious kids. I've been seeing a counselor for almost two years now and she's almost like my best friend. I don't like staying in one place. I get restless easily. I like to remodel my room as often as I can (I've done it once in the 8 years I've lived in this house). I like being cold and having blankets to cover up with. I want to move to Alaska. I think society is absolute shit. My friends don't really know me. I feel like I'm so average and I'm too lazy to do anything about it. 

I get sick with basically every food. I don't like eating. I also don't like pants.

Once day I want to be able to art without looking up ideas. 

So I think this is enough for my first posting, I'd like to thank the those of you who've read this, I'm also so sorry you wasted your time.

Cheerio